Stories from the Front Lines

March, March, yet another month of learning and bloopers on the job. Here's a rundown:

1. I recently left this message for a woman who called to inquire about our programs:
".... give us a call back at ***.***.**** (pause) Oh God. That's my home number. Please don't call that."

2. Just today I spoke with a VERY inquisitive mother who was asking very complex and specific tuition calculations as well as detailed logistics questions about summer programs. She must have called 3 times with more questions. The last time she called, my coworker answered and when she mentioned who was calling, I had my back to her. As I reached for the phone I said "greeeeaaaaaaat. I hope she's calling to ENROLL this time!" And when I turned around, Kelly had a horrified look on her face as she frantically indicated that the receiver was live and the woman had probably heard my response. Note to the public: Help your coworkers save a little face, and put a person on HOLD when you pass them off. PS-Her tuition for 10 weeks of summer programming came to $1182. She called back to ask if that was the per week rate. I nearly choked.. this is not boarding school!

3. One Thursday morning when I was the only director covering the center, our substitute Spanish teacher got his signals crossed and went to the wrong location. We were 5 minutes into the class when we realized he would be arriving VERY late, and with no other alternative, I grabbed the session plans and the Spanish teacher whose program didn't start until 9:15 and said, "Quick! You have 3 minutes to train me in teaching a class." In a flash she taught me how to lead 2 activities, and sent me into the room of seven particularly active 4 and 5 year olds waiting for my teaching expertise. I began the first activity where I pulled prizes out of a bag for the children to claim. (This is to get them to practice saying "I want such and such, please" in Spanish) Of course, the first prize I pulled out of the bag nobody wanted. Nor the second. Nor the third. Crap. Finally I dumped the contents of the bag on the floor and made them pick what they wanted.

Part II of this activity was then to go around to get them to say what they had. When I started leading the prompt.. "Who has the ... " I realized that all the prizes where things like magnifying glasses, skateboards, chinese yo-yos, all things I have NO IDEA how to say in Spanish! The panic set in and I began to sing "Who has the thing, who has the thing..?"

Meanwhile there is a parent actually KNOCKING on the door of my classroom with 7 on-the-edge 4 year olds, to ask to speak to the director. (Sidenote: When I followed up with her later to find out what was so urgent, she informed me she just wanted to schedule her daughter's make up!) There are children telling me in English that they have to go to the bathroom, and seeing how I, as the director and not normally IN a classroom, am normally the one to escort the children to the bathroom, I had to get a mom out of the lobby to take the children.

I finally get them to the table to eat snack and I try to drag it out as long as possible. I gave them all as many goldfish as they wanted, but soon I had some children still at the table eating, others climbing onto their chairs, running around the room, screaming, crashing into walls, CHAOS. And sweet Monica in the adjoining room with her Parents and Tots class is trying to help me by signing through the window while keeping the parents from looking through it! It was 9:40 and the missing substitute still had not arrived.

I had to move on, even though I had NO idea what to do. I hoped I would think of something during the 2 second walk to the carpet. Nothing came. One little girl told me she would just sit at the table since she wasn't feeling well. I made the rest get in a circle and make the circulo GRANDE and circulo PEQUENO. They all looked at me confused because we'd already done this as a warm-up activity. Meanwhile little Meg, sitting at the table, pipes in "Teacher, you're doing it wrong! This isn't how Spanish class goes!" WELL, NO KIDDING. Finally just before 10, the teacher arrived, and I bolted.

After I took some deep breaths I went into the office to call a non-Spanish speaking coworker in management and tell my story. He laughed as he told me of his experience getting stranded in a class with 18 children and a parent staring at him. He, of course, jumped right in with.. "Raise your hand if you have a birthday this month!" 4 little hands went up into the air. My coworker then proceeded to lead the group in singing "Feliz cumpleanos a ti (Happy Birthday).." 4 TIMES. Thank GOD the teacher had arrived by the end. I guess it can always be worse.


They say that an idle mind is the devil's playground (or something like that), so at least I don't have to worry about that! Boredom at work is definitely not high on my list of concerns.