Conquest

Something has happened to my nerve. After the completion of my capstone recital at SU 4 years ago I fell off the performance bandwagon. That recital was such a positive experience! I felt confident, I sang well, and most of all, I enjoyed doing it! I was nervous though. Leading up to it, as I put on the dress, as I walked on stage, as I breathed deeply during the intermission, as I took my bow. Nerve city. But I did it. I overcame. I triumphed. Well, I won't get carried away.

But since then, I don't know what happened! I feel crippled by performance anxiety. I started taking voice lessons again, I even made a demo recording, but I never got up the nerve to submit it to the amateur open-mic events. No way. I joined a chorus. That's safe. Safety in numbers.

But even so, my daydreams often include a little band, me at the mic, a dark, intimate space with candles on the tables... But any time someone finds out I'm a singer and asks me to sing something or gives me a lead for gigs/other musicians, I sieze up. The whole package--the adrenaline courses through my body, my breathing shallows, my heart starts pounding, my hands get clammy, and I get that hollow feeling in my gut. It's ridiculous.

And I'm going to conquer it.

I met a musician. Who knows a musician. Who knows a musician. And together we have a voice, a guitar, a cajon drum, a double bass, and a taste for Latin American music. The owner of the little cafe where I take tango has already claimed us for our first "concert." All that's left is getting us together to practice and setting a date.

Give me victory or give me death.